Thursday, July 30, 2009

Life is incredible.

Came home from an amazing seminar tonight with so many things to say, to Anthony in particular.

I called him when all the participants when into groups to open up to him about how I've been. Really, his only response was that we should scale back and just be friends for a while.

I wanted to be upset and disappointed because that completely took me off guard. But now, I'm fine.

I want to call him tomorrow and tell him that he's right. That it's apparent that what we want don't align. His actions have never aligned with what he's said to me and I can't put up with someone whose actions don't follow with what they say they're committed to. I have too much life to live and love to give to deal with that kind of drama. I'm a strong woman who doesn't need a man to complete her, but I've gotten to a point in my life that I want that partnership. He's not ready for it. He does an excellent job of telling me what I want to hear, but I need someone that wants to spend time with me and wants me around even when he's with his friends. I don't expect to always have the same friends or anything, but I want my friends to accept the guy I'm dating and get along with him just as much as I want his friends to accept and get along with me.

I'm an amazing person. Everyone is really, but I won't go building superficial relationships anymore. Yeah, I can be pleasant and warm and welcoming to people and it's totally ok if they're not towards me, but I won't keep up with relationships that have no depth. I love being human. I love what I get out of my participation with Landmark. I will always look for how I can make a difference with someone or circumstances. I have plenty of friends to keep my company and things to do to keep me occupied than to have a "romantic" relationship be so superficial. I'm not about that.

I have issues with opening up to people. Trust is something that I give to people freely with things other than my heart. I hardly ever trust someone enough to give them my heart. Those are people who have shown that what they are committed to is just being a stellar human being who isn't out to take things from people but to give something back.

Anthony has never shown that to me. I gave him the benefit of the doubt but no more. I refuse to settle for something that is less than the best as far as partnership is concerned.

God, I love Zanz, the people I assist with and anyone and everyone that is out to make a difference with people.

To Hell with self! Thank you for being who you are so I can be who I am. I mean that to anyone and everyone that wants to listen.

To quote a blogger(ThePanicRoom) that I find most inspiring...

"With all the love in the universe",

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