I find myself completely drawn into all things makeup and beauty. I've been addicted to the stuff for a very long time, I've just been really lazy to actually put it on my face on a daily basis. I spend hours upon hours of looking at makeup tutorials and huals and whatever on YouTube so I decided it's time I figure out a way to make a living by it... and to share what I know.
I created a channel (I have yet to upload anything) and it'll feature whatever I feel like sharing. We'll see what I make of it.
So, as Myles said it, now that I've properly vented, no more talking about it again.
Just to update, Brent is not going to be here this week. Accidental cancelled reservations have foiled the plan so we are going to start talks on when it's going to actually happen. Now that I've cried it all out and gotten into communication with my community, it's time to move on and be excited for tonight.
Tonight is the evening session of this weekend's Landmark Forum and I couldn't be happier! I was looking forward to Brent being here to be a part of it but I'm not letting that take away from the incredible-ness of this weekend and how powerful it was for me. There are things still needed to be done, like get to work on my project and meet and talk to people about how to create a non-profit. It may not be in time for the completion of my Self-Expression and Leadership Program, but I'm so committed to making a difference in my brother's life and the lives of those that are living with Autism that it's time I make that difference a reality.
I've messaged a woman from my church to see if we can get together. Every time I think of putting together a project or event surround this non-profit, she always comes up for me. It's time we talk.
There are a few other women I want to talk to and see what they have to offer... insights, suggestions, knowledge, interest, whatever! My life is about making a difference and I can't little bumps in the road get in my way. It's a dishonor and a disservice to myself and the world. I am so very clear about that.
You know that voice in the back of your head? Mine is running wild.
So, there are issues with the original plans made for tomorrow and the rest of the week. I know it wasn't on purpose but his reservation was cancelled somehow and he's going to work on getting it back and the "idiot" (aka the voice in the back of my head) is telling me, "See! This is exactly why you should never plan things. Why you shouldn't announce things. Why you shouldn't get excited for anything because there's no point. You're not worth it. You never get what you want."
I am clear that this voice isn't really ME but fuck, when I'm alone, I have no reinforcements to help me combat this thing and help me see reason.
I had the most amazing and powerful weekend and I'm having issues with this stupid "idiot." I know it's never going to go away. I'm doing my best to tell it, "thank you for sharing but I have more important things to do."
I cried it out on the phone with him, then let him go because I was really close to blaming him. And I sort of did, and that's something I have to clean up because it's not his fault that these thoughts take over. And I so wanted to blame him and tell him there's no point in talking anymore because this is always going to happen but my commitment to him is much more powerful than that because I said so.
So, I had to get up and blog because I'll be damned if I'm going to let this stupid, fucking "idiot" take over. I'm more powerful than it, damnit.
So, I spent my weekend being of service to others and providing and generating a space for transformation to happen.
Have you ever heard of the Landmark Forum? Maybe that's a good place to start. If not, just know that it is an incredibly powerful tool that is used to help people create lives they want and help them fulfill on what matters and is of importance to them. It is intense, but the reward is beyond words.
What I got for myself this weekend, while being on sound and partnering with the Landmark Forum leaders by providing their voice for the Landmark Forum to happen, was that my whole heart is the world and the people in it. Who I am is absolutely everything. It may sound kind of hokey but I really got that I am nothing without this world I live in and the people in it... every single one of them. If you are reading this, this means you too. I want you to know that I love you from everything in my being. Everything I am and everything I say I am, and I promise to honor you by honoring myself.
Anyway, I just had to say that. I don't want to ever lose it. And, from here on out, I am using my blog to get what I need out of my head so I can have the space to continually create my life for what's next and what's possible.
I now get why The Panic Room says at the end of every entry, "All the love in the universe," because that's so right there for me. And I so get it for myself. So, to borrow from him...