Monday, November 22, 2010
I started a piercing apprenticeship at my friend's husband's shop and I'm there Tuesdays and Fridays and whatever days I want to come in. I thought about going in today but this is the first day in what feels like a while that I have NOTHING going on. The seminar I'm assisting in is on a break this week as well. I don't have church this Wednesday night, so really, I have nothing going on and it feels good! I do have an exam next Monday in Humanities along with a journal entry due but that's not hard at all. Just need to do some studying and start getting ready for my Biology finals the last week of classes.
Seriously, life is so good! I had a small little emotional breakdown last night after church talking to my friend about the direction my life is going. I feel this intense pull to go back to Florida but I'm not sure if it's really a pull or my desire to be closer to my dad. I have these desires and dreams of what I want for my life but I'm a firm believer that not only do things happen for a reason, but I also believe God has a plan for every one of us. (Please refrain from arguing with me on this. We all have our own beliefs and ideas and this is mine.)
So, she advised me to pray about it, which I will. I definitely know what it's like to fly by the seat of my pants and just do things on a whim but it's never boded well for me, hence why so many moves from Florida to Colorado and back. Lack of stability growing up and all that. I don't want to go into things blindly and without knowing or feeling whether this or that place is where I'm supposed to be. I'm torn because I really do like my life here. I LOVE my friends, my job, everything that I have out here in Colorado but I want to be closer to my dad while I can. I mean, my dad's healthy and in no immediate danger of leaving this world but I want to spend the time I have with him while I have him here. I miss having a parent around that is loving and caring and that is always there for me when I need him. I live with my mom but she is far from the caring, motherly type...
Anyway, that's enough. I'm on the verge of tears thinking about it. It's funny because my sister is the same way. It's hard when you grow up with parents that you know to be a certain way and you take it for granted. After growing up with the father I have, I can't imagine my life without him.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
So I'm watching Starship Troopers. It really isn't an awesome movie. Some parts are even really cheesy but I can't stop watching it. LoL
I'm starting a new seminar series at Landmark Education called Living Powerfully. I'm so excited! I've been out of the conversation about living a life of possibility so I'm so looking forward to being busy again and getting out of the world of "circumstances run my life."
I'll do my best to keep this blog up to date on what's going on. Whenever I'm heavily involved in Landmark, I sometimes have some really good stuff to say. We'll see as the seminar progresses. It starts Monday.
Friday, October 29, 2010
I'm so glad I investigate these things.
Babysitting was cancelled for tonight. A little bummed but I can get stuff done so all is well.
Decided it's finally time I do something about photography.
That's about it. Going to the halloween store to find some facial hair for tomorrow.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Sometimes I don't think I have a lot to say but yesterday, I had the urge to blog, mostly about my day. I have a lot to say about my daily life sometimes, hence why I'm always Tweeting. It's kind of ridiculous sometimes because I can't think that anyone wants to hear my random thoughts throughout the day. Just like with this blog, I have a whopping 1 follower. Ah well. I don't really do it for anyone other than me. It gives me an excuse to be online rather than on Facebook playing Farmville.
My cousin's wife (I guess cousin-in-law) accepted me on FB and I got to see recent pictures of my baby cousin. She's so beautiful! Because of friends and famiily out there, I want to attempt living in California again. As much as I miss Florida, (the heat, humidity, family, FOOTBALL, the Springs) I have this intense desire to try out California again, but under different circumstances. I'm torn as to whether to go there now or wait until I'm finished with school.
And with school, I'm on the fence about whether to stick it out at CCD (I LOVE the campus, where it's located, my Biology teacher and the diversity) but Red Rocks Community College is involved in this program... Scratch that last thought. Did some investigation. Turns out, CCD is a part of the WUE (Western Undergraduate Exchange) where I can go to one of 150 schools in 15 different states and get reduced-rate tuition. The top of my list: CSU - East Bay, Western Washington University, and University of Hawaii at Manoa. At least, those would be the ideal locations. We'll see. I still have some time to do some investigation.
That's about all that's going on. I just got off the phone not too long ago with my dad. He's sending me money to help for school expenses. This is the most I have ever needed his help and this is the closest I have ever been to what it's like to NOT have to be on my own. Meaning, I have friends and have heard of other people having their parents literally put them through college. I have had to do it on my own with a little help here and there from my parents. The sacrifices my dad is willing and able to make on behalf of his family is huge. He has, perhaps, saved me (or ruined me, depending on who is looking at it) from being with a man who is less than worthy. I have my dad to thank for my successes and my own idea of my self-worth.
Who has the greatest positive influence in your life? No need to answer, just something to think about.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I'll miss SG though. I don't really know why considering I don't interact with a huge amount of people on there. Maybe it's the boobs.
Either way, I've been thinking a lot lately about my future. I'm in school and barely getting by and the thought of photography as a major has always had my attention to a certain degree. I have always wanted to get a science degree (I am a biology major) for quite a few reasons, top three being: 1.) that I love the reactions I get from people when I tell them what my major is, 2.) the flexibility of what having a general science degree entails (meaning I can do ANYTHING with it) and 3.) the fact that I can do anything with it... though I pretty much already included that with number 2.
But I'm starting to get to the point where not only do I want to increase my skill level at composing, capturing and producing visually and emotionally stimulating images but to eat, sleep, breath and live something completely creative, satisfying, emotionally taxing and just plain awesome. The lives of some of the photographers I've come across on the internet (I'll admit, I don't know very many professional photographers personally) is inspiring. I'm sure they may not feel the same way, but to me, someone who has always been surrounded by the analytical and intellectually rigorous, it is a beautiful life and I want to experience it first hand.
So, knowing I want to steer in that direction, I'm getting to the point of "do I do this now" or "do I wait until I'm finished with the first degree I already started." It's a hard decision, and I know either way I go, I'll end up in a place completely unrecognizable to where I am now. (Having wanderlust makes following through with tasks already in progress a little difficult.)
On a side note, I don't think I'm very mature. There are times where I think I've matured far beyond where I ever was, but sometimes I feel like I have progressed laterally and not in a forward motion. And sometimes, like today, I wonder if I really am as good as I think I am. Like I know I'll never have an unbiased opinion of myself but am I really as likeable as I think I am, or as great as I already think I am. But I digress.
Anyway, those are my random thoughts of the night. Just finished rewriting a "journal entry" for my Humanities class on The Odyssey. Good stuff. We didn't read the entire 24 books but since I own it, I think I might start from the beginning with The Illiad.
Hope whoever reads this, you have a great night!
Friday, October 22, 2010
So, one of my managers called me this morning to see if I wanted to work 6 hours tonight. Is it bad that I refused because of the manager that's closing? I feel a little bad, and I do need the money but I can't stand this chick. She's awful to work with. It's really uncomfortable, but at the same time, I do love my job and my babysitting gig I do on Friday nights was cancelled. The mom went to Phoenix for the weekend and dad decided he wanted to say in and sleep. Awesome so I can do some stuff around the house but bummed because I don't feel like I have a real excuse to refuse hours at work.
Luckily, it's too late to call back and say I actually can. Mom's heading out to run errands so brother needs supervision.
Do you ever feel bad for refusing to do something for some reasons? I mean, I think I'm perfectly in my right to refuse. I wasn't scheduled, so I'm not obligated to go in. I could definitely use the hours, but then again, I do have things I need to do around the house, like clean, catch up on laundry, and I have major homework and studying to do this weekend.
Sometimes I dislike the fact that I always want to help. And I feel guilty when I can't, especially in this case because I know I can. Or could...
*sigh* I'll just shrug my shoulders off and get done what I need to get done for me.
Monday, June 28, 2010
I haven't been on a computer much at all. And when I am, it's enough time to check Facebook and a few other things, but I'm not spending hours on end online anymore. Thank God for my Blackberry because I wouldn't know what was going on outside my little world.
I've been spending a lot of time alone lately. It tends to happen when all your friends and family have their own stuff going on. I have been getting a little emotional and jealous about this but I'm starting to get over it and back into that inner peace of knowing, loving, and just being with myself. It's almost scary how I've only been out of it for a few months and going back into it is so hard and emotionally trying.
But eh, it is to happen. Like that saying goes, "The most important relationship one will ever have is with the self." Or that is the saying as I remember it. I don't even remember where it came from but I know it's in one of my statuses on Facebook.
Anywho, that's really all for now. Must get ready for work now.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
My phone wasn't there. After getting over the initial shock and disappointment, it's kind of peaceful not having a phone, but I am going to go ahead and file an insurance claim on it. I miss not being able to take pictures of things that catch my attention... and Tweeting. I'm ridiculously addicted to it. AND, this morning I was on the couch enjoying the house to myself and I needed the library phone number, but I couldn't Google it from my phone. I miss the convenience of it.
I have been thinking, dreaming and scheming of (hopefully) lucrative home-based businesses for myself, including my photography. The idea is so stirring to my blood...
Anywho, time to get ready for my princess shift at work.
Friday, May 28, 2010
I won't say it sucked, but it wasn't the most pleasant.
Work was actually pretty good, but I started bleeding then I was instantly irritated by customers that breathed. Then I came home and was just exhausted but happy when everyone left the house and I was left home alone. Ran a few errands later that included hitting up the library to print out a few things and my freaking phone gets stolen while I'm looking for change in my purse thing. I came home and immediately dial my phone for 45 minutes straight, but no answer. I eventually ended up reporting it stolen.
Then go to Parker thinking it's tonight I have to babysit and it's not. Which wasn't really all that bad. I needed a drive to clear my head, so on the way back, I grab some dye from Sally's and stop by Savers and Goodwill to so a little thrifting. Not a bad day, but damn it, my phone situation pisses me off. Well, at first, it did, and I cried just a little but I blame that on the hormones... (actually I really have a sick attachment to my phone. Who ever decides to go looking through that sucker is going to get an eye-full, let me tell you...)
But I'm going to go back to the library again tomorrow morning just to see if anyone happened to turn it in. It was jacked right as they were closing. I'm crossing my fingers it's still there, but I praise God that I decided to get insurance on it when I bought it. $125 deductible isn't chump change but it sure as hell does beat a $300+ replacement.
I love thrifting tho. I found a bag of unexposed (and probably expired) 35mm film that I have never even seen before, so I'm going to see what comes out of it. Twas only $2.99 for about 10 rolls.
I also have some sick obsession for looking for and buying Ann Rice hardback books. I definitely have at least 2 copies of about maybe 3 or 4 of her books now. I think I may resell them on Amazon or something and see if I get anything for them. I was considering that maybe that can be a little business for me... buying and selling Ann Rice books. There were at least two (one at each place) that I knew I already had. And they were in amazing condition... I think I might try it. I'll go back tomorrow and see if those copies are still there...
I also bought a little fawn figurine for The Dainty Squid. I don't know why I cared, but I just happened to see it and it made me think of her. I think I'll send that out to her tomorrow...
That's all for now. I'm going to change into night clothes and lay in bed with a book.
All I kept seeing was a life full of raising animals for the use of food and clothing, such as chickens for eggs, roosters for a natural alarm, goats and cows for milk and cheese, sheep and llamas for wool, and gardens full of tasty fruits and vegetables. I was raising kids on my own homestead, living life peacefully in the country, making my own clothing, blogging, taking pictures and generally living a beautiful life, peacefully and happily.
The inspiration isn't my own, I'll admit that but that type of life is so beautiful to me. The idea of staying home and providing a life in such a different, slow, peaceful and deliberate way.
That is a future I hope I live into and can create with someone.
Now time to go back to sleep. Must work at 6:30 in the AM.